“The Study of Reality”

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Gays With Guns or How to Make Your Average Christian Conservative’s Head Explode
* Comments(3)

What’s a good republican/christian conservative to do with this paradox? One one hand, of course he hates fags…but what if the fag likes guns? Damn. Guns or Gays? Gays or Guns? Does Not Compute! Does Not Compute!

I was at the library the other day and I ran across one of our local "alternative weekly magazines" and found myself staring down the barrel of a pistol held by a really manly-looking woman. At first I thought it was one of those body building women that just looks like a man. But then I looked closer and I said "By Jove I think that’s a man." OK I didn’t really say "By Jove" but I was intrigued. I had to know more.

Gays With Guns

Turns out it’s a story about the Pink Pistols a group who’s motto is "Armed Gays Don’t Get Bashed." -There goes the neighborhood!

The first paragraph of the story reads:

"On a crisp Sunday morning, Nicki Stallard closes one mascara-coated eye and focuses intently on her target. Her long fingers are wrapped around the handle of a Colt .45; black go-go boots hug her muscular legs, which are firmly set in shooting stance. As she rapidly fires off rounds of ammunition, shells fall to the ground, rolling under her stacked platform heels.
Nicki Stallard isn’t your average lady.
She was born a man."

Sounds like a Quentin Tarantino movie to me…(said in my best movie announcer guy’s voice) "Nicki Stallard is a ticking time bomb. A one-woman wall-of-destruction…Packin’ 8" of polished nickel..and it’s not her electric butt-plug either." 

Another quote from their site:

"We no longer believe it is the right of those who hate and fear gay, lesbian, bi, trans, or polyamorous persons to use us as targets for their rage. Self-defense is our RIGHT."

Sure, self-defense is your right, I agree with you. But what’s a "polyamorous person"? And should we really trust one with a firearm?

But I guess they’re a legit organization, because it says they hold their meeting at Denny’s. (I assume when they’re not out there pullin a "Dirty Harry" on unarmed homophobes. "You feel lucky punk? Damn I broke a nail. BLAMMO!") I guess Denny’s does give them a certain caché doesn’t it? Shit, back in the ’50’s they wouldn’t even let a pistol-packin-tranny in black go-go boots in a Denny’s. So you can see how far this country’s come. (Now if they’d only serve Blacks and Mexicans.)

And as I read further I discovered another interesting organizations TCops which is, yes you guessed it…"a peer support network for transgendered law enforcement officers." Again, I had no idea there was such an organization. I mean, they’ve never been on Oprah so how legit can they be right? (OK you busted me. I’ve never really watched Oprah.)

OK just one more link, because this is apparently a much larger community than you’d think.

Check this out…a blog from "an independent, libertarian, gay gun nut in Vermont" I mean damn! Whoda thunk it?

On his blog is says "Spread Fred." No that’s not the title of a gay porn flick, silly! He’s supporting Fred "law and order made me famous" Thompson for President. I guess Fred supports gun rights.

Which leads me back to my original premise. Do you think Fred Thompson is happy about having "an independent, libertarian, gay gun nut in Vermont" supporting him? Hard to say. Fred seems like a straight shooter (and no not in a gay porn kinda way.)

So this just goes to show you how much you can learn about the world by going to the library and reading your local alternative weekly. See Kids, learning’s fun. Heck, even Laura Bush likes to read.

Laura Bush Reads A Good Wholesome Book To One Of America’s Shining Youth
(This touching moment brought to you by the Laura Bush Foundation For America’s Libraries.)

Of course I know you christian conservatives don’t want your kids to get "none of that fancy book-lernin ’bout science and other pinko commie liberal faggot stuff." But it was just a thought. Remember, Laura Bush says it’s OK, and she and her husband have a direct bat-phone to god.

Remember…Guns don’t kill people, pistol-packing polyamorous transexuals in black go-go boots do. Just ask the NRA!


3 Responses to “Gays With Guns or How to Make Your Average Christian Conservative’s Head Explode”

  1. Rich Paul, on June 9th, 2007 at 3:52 am, said:

    I have never understood the Liberal obsession with disarming victims. It seems to me that Liberals, (by which I mean left liberals, not classic liberals) should be the ones on the side of the little guy, when he is attacked by a much larger aggressor.

    I begin to fear that they oppose it for the same reason they try to cure poverty by eliminating the most powerful and fair engine in history for the creation of prosperity: laissez-faire capitalism. That reason, I am convinced, is the cynical fear that it might actually work, and strip them of their “disenfranchised” base.

  2. fairlane, on June 9th, 2007 at 7:15 am, said:

    I have never understood how so-called “conservatives” are able to see things that are not there. Nor do I understand how people who don’t have two nickels to rub together defend “laissez-faire capitalism”.

    Almost as though they live in some delusion that “one day”, “some day” the rainbow will come my way.

    Of course more and more “conservatives” are becoming experts on things they don’t know shit about. All you need is a Bible and a G.E.D.

  3. Realitologist, on June 9th, 2007 at 10:59 am, said:

    “I have never understood the Liberal obsession with disarming victims. ”

    Neither have I, but I don’t know what that comment has to do with the original post.

    “I begin to fear that they oppose it for the same reason they try to cure poverty by eliminating the most powerful and fair engine in history for the creation of prosperity: laissez-faire capitalism.”

    Yes capitalism has helped a lot of folks for sure. But in reality, we’re still a world of Serfs and Lords. The serfs are now allowed to have a bit more money, but that’s mainly so they’ll buy more stuff which further enriches the Lords.

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