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In a surprise move, today the Bush Administration announced that it "is taking the lead" on climate change by proposing a series of meetings over the next 18 months. This announcement was hailed by leaders of the oil, gas, and coal industries, who are pleased that Mr. Bush will allow them that much more time to "do nothing while continuing to reap record profits." Mr. Bush reassured business leaders that his proposed talks about maybe proposing to possibly talk about maybe doing something (possibly) about global warming would not hurt the economy or their profits.

Republican strategists Bob Whitebread praised this announcement, saying:

"Come election time we can tell the American People that we’re "tackling global warming" while at the same time reassuring our base that we’re doing nothing at all. And since the proposed talks won’t happen until sometime in 2008, we’re assured of leaving the hard choices to the next administration. Plus with the G8 summit coming up, we can tell those annoying and arrogant fereners (sic) that we’re not accepting any global warming proposals because we’re thinking about maybe holding our own talks in 2008. It’s a win-win situation all around!"

*President Bush also said

"If you’re truly interested in cleaning up the environment, or interested in renewable sources of energy, the best way to do so is through safe nucular (sic) power."

In another nod to the status quo, Mr. Bush also said,

"If we can get a breakthrough in clean coal technologies, it’s going to help the developing world immeasurably, and at the same time, help protect our environment."

It’s reassuring to know that when our president is confronted with overwhelming evidence (for many years), and prodded into action by the rest of the world, he can indeed pretend to take action. That’s why we love him so.

*All Bush quotes are genuine.

2 Responses to “Bush Administration Agrees To Tackle Global Warming “As Long As We Don’t Actually Have To Do Anything””

1. Fairlane, on June 1st, 2007 at 7:31 am, said:
   

   It truly is pathetic isn’t it? Didn’t he already say something almost exactly like this a year or so ago?

   The man has balls that’s for sure. The fact he can even show his face in public is a tribute to his vast ego, and complete disregard or reality.

   What scares the crap out of me is I envision our next President possibly being even worse.

2. Realitologist, on June 1st, 2007 at 11:52 am, said:
   

   It’s all lip-service because for the most part no one is held accountable for what they say.

   You’re right about the next president. Most of the front-runners are power-hungry egomaniacs just like Bush. Dennis Kucinich is the only one I’ve seen talking about real change and he has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. Then there was the one guy in the republican debate who talked about the reasons leading up to 9/11. I don’t know anything about his politics but at least he had balls enough to say something out of the ordinary. And of course he was shot down immediately too.

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