Realitology

“The Study of Reality”

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An Innocent Ban On Flatulence or An Attack On America? You Decide.
* Comments(3)

Oh my god, this shit is getting serious now.

I read with horror as I see our freedoms literally being stripped away…

Middle school issues ban on intentional flatulence

According to this week’s Fire Cracker school newsletter…the penalty for "intentional farting" is now a detention.

One of the other students, Kyle Ruger, said the act by the boys was funny, but he had mixed feelings about whether it was appropriate.

Jordan Knowlton minced no words when she expressed how she felt, saying, "It’s gross."

 

This is AMERICA dammit. We have a god given right to fart when we damn well please. It’s called the second ammendment—the right to fart and bear arms.

They can have my metamucil when they pry it from my cold dead fingers.

And who is this "Jordan Knowlton" anyway? What do we know about her? Innocent middle-school student or Chinese spy? Al-Qaeda terrorist? Whoever she is, she’s obviously bent on THE DESTRUCTION OF AMERICA!

First they take away your right to fart, but who knows where this could end? It’s a slippery slope.
Hasn’t history taught us anything?

———————————————————

FIRST THEY CAME

When they came for the belchers,
I remained silent;
I was not a belcher.

When they locked up those with smelly armpits,
I remained silent;
I did not have smelly armpits.

When they came for those with bad breath,
I did not speak out;
I did not have bad breath.

When they came for the farters,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a farter.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.
—————————————————–

WAKE UP AMERICA!

Where are the civil libertarians? (or civil librarians) Where are the freedom fighters? Where is Mike Huckabee? Where is Ron Paul? Their silence is deafening.

If this doesn’t wake people up to the Evils of the Patriot Act I don’t know what will.

This may be the first small step from the North American Unionit’s probably those damn Canadians…I have it on good authority that Canadians don’t fart, so it wouldn’t surprise me.

Regardless of who is behind this, they must not succeed! Stand Up for America. Write to your representatives. Tell them this goes too far!

I propose that February 5th be proclaimed forevermore as "National Flatulence Day".

As a show of solidarity to our oppressed brothers and sisters,  I encourage everyone to Fart and Fart Proudly…as often and as loudly as possible.

It was good enough for the founders of this great nation and it’s good enough for me!

 

 

3 Responses to “An Innocent Ban On Flatulence or An Attack On America? You Decide.”

  1. Fredrick Schwartz, on February 5th, 2008 at 3:22 am, said:

    Next thing you know the TSA and Homeland Security will be citing people for “wreckless eyeballing.”

  2. fairlane, on February 6th, 2008 at 1:11 pm, said:

    How do they determine “Intent?”

  3. Realitology, on February 7th, 2008 at 10:58 am, said:

    Maybe if you’re proud of it then it’s “intentional”.
    You have to be careful though…give it too much “intent” and you end up with a turd in your shorts.

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